Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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