I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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