I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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