Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
