Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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