Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.

Fav 31 1046 2675
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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.

Fav 21 6130 986
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(518): View more from New York

As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

Fav 14 5405 1825
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(248): View more from Michigan

He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.

Fav 5 2550 1183
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(510): View more from California

God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.

Fav 9 3247 1118
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(256): View more from Alabama

In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.

Fav 6 1677 914
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.

Fav 7 1999 1181
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.

Fav 2 708 980
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(618): View more from Illinois

I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks

Fav 1 92 12
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