toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
