every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
