Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
