honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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