is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
