I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
