I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
