Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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