Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
