Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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