someone get that fucking seahorse.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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