Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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