Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
