A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
