Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
