We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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