don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
