We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
