now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
