no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
