the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
