clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
