I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
