I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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