Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
50% drunk capacity currently
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
