The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
