Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
