I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
