that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
