At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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