That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
