let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
