We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
