i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
