last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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