Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
