please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
