there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
