Heybabeimwearingurpanties
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize