I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
