You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
