She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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