Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You took a bar mat shot.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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