I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
